Fate's Fortune and Lament
by Fraulein Kreuz24
Summary: He should have died when he killed himself along with his sins, yet this beautiful portrait continued to torment his soul to watch the living suffer... Is there no escape, or does fate have other plans for him? [my epilogue-ish take on Oscar Wilde's The Picture of Dorian Gray]


TF FanFiction 1.12  
Fate's Fortune and Lament

Hey'ya~! I'm back with another dark project... Well, sort of an epilogue-ish really... :3

You see, I watched this documentary (STORYLINE, was the program's title, aired weekly with different true-to-life story) late one night and chanced upon hearing this soothing but at the same time haunting song... Actually, it doesn't really have a title, but let's call it "Frida's Lament (I think you can listen to it in YouTube)," because she was the focus of that episode when I heard the song. Anyway, this song strangely reminded me of another noteworthy enchanting song written and performed years ago, "O Fortuna" by Carl Orft. From there, well, my muses urged me to venture writing into the dark side of humanity... And guess the person the first personality that popped into my mind... Dorian Gray! Oh, please pardon this bishounen-loving, classical literature-fanatic, dark genre-preferrer, and yaoi-devotee side of mine, but I knew I just had to write a FujiZuka project based on these oeuvre! *-*

So, without further ado, I present you, dear readers, my latest creation, "Fate's Fortune and Lament." Please continue to guide and share with me your wisdom, minna! Enjoy~! ^^=

Disclaimers: Even as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I shall fear no evil for... I claim none of the gifted mangaka (Konomi-sensei), author (Oscar Wilde), and artist's (Carl Orft and those behind Frida's Lament) works, but sourced upon by my own wistful imagination.

* * *

TF FanFiction 1.13  
Fate's Fortune and Lament

_I'm going to tell you my story..._

_I love..._

_I bleed..._

_I laugh..._

_I believe..._

_I'm going to tell you my story..._

_I'm going to give you my story..._

_So that I may live..._

_Live..._

_Live..._

They say I was the epitome - the insignia - of youth's perfection, beauty and brains...

But also of corrupted innocence.

It's regrettable, true, but I couldn't take any of it back.

_{+} O Fortuna_  
_{+} Velut Luna_  
_{+} Statu variabilis,_  
_{+} Semper crescis_  
_{+} Aut decrescis_

My bloody corpse laid on the freezing concrete - a stab at the heart of a wrinkled and worn-out old man. My blurring vain eyes could see the painting that now beholds my youthful elegance, while my physical body disintegrated into minuscule dust, lamented only by the cold winter wind. It didn't hurt the slightest, though it could have meant that I was already irrevocably numbed from the pain of human heart and mind.

Then, I was no more...

_{+} Vita detestabilis _  
_{+} Nunc obdurat _  
_{+} Et tunc curat_

That was how it's supposed to be, no? That was the contract I signed with the daemon...

A curse...

A gift...

Eternal youth...

And a painting that served as my biological clock - ticking, ticking, a constant reminder of my age - and the prison of my soul.

_{+} Ludo mentis aciem, _  
_{+} Egestatem, _  
_{+} Potestatem, _  
_{+} Dissolut ut glaciem_

I was stabbed to death... Or did I commit suicide? The details I do not remember clearly now...

Not even my real name...

But for the rest of world, Sir Dorian Gray is dead...

That name I rather fancied when I was still with the living, and often knitted with nicknames as prince charming, ladykiller, and angelo magnus... But, that same name is now maligned with epithets as Tannhäuser, Faust, Mephistopheles... and worst of them all, Semjâzâ.

_{+} Sors - immanis _  
_{+} Et inanis,_  
_{+} Rota tu volubilis, _  
_{+} Status malus, _  
_{+} Vana salus _  
_{+} Semper dissolubilis _

They mourned for me... showered my grave with pity - disappointment and loss clouded their eyes... and I could sense disgust emanating from their crocodile tears... Yes, they hated how I have lived, yet none of them had the confidence to admit that they hated me...

Truthfully, I've committed great sins I couldn't even beg forgivable. I wouldn't deny the despicable things I've ruined myself with, but I must redeem myself with reason mere mortal couldn't fathom without their judgmental decree of hedonistic vanity and lust.

_{+} Obum brata _  
_{+} Et velata _  
_{+} Mihi qouque niteris _

I couldn't love...

It's not that I am not capable of such pure feeling of truthful affection, but because I've already lost myself in love...

I loved a love that's forbidden and taboo...

I loved an entity neither human nor of the living nor of the dead...

I've let my guard down and fell in-love with the daemon that so preserved my physical beauty through years past...

Such love is doomed to ruins from the very onset of locking eternal gazes of ember golds and sapphires...

Yet I continued to cherish that moment dearly, because that was the only memory he left me with...

Even though it is a love that shouldn't have existed at all, love him I still do...

And that love consumed me... Thrown me into a spiral despair... Plunged me into a chaotic whirl of filling my insatiable void with loveless pleasure and vices... I became the wretched of all men!

_{+} Nunc per ludum _  
_{+} Dorsum nudum _  
_{+} Fero tui sceleris_

My death should have ended all this mindless suffering and emptiness I lived in...

My death should have lead me to burn in the eternal furnace...

Yet here I still speak - no sound, no voice, but my ever conscious mind.

I suppose no one notice, but I still live... An undead, maybe? I don't really understand... But upon my death, it seemed that my 'conscious soul' is now stuck residing in Basil Hallward's portrait: The Picture of Dorian Gray.

This is the portrait that detailed the purity and beauty of my youthful innocence - a confident stance, disarmingly angelic smile, and opened brilliant sapphire. It was a magnificent work, if I should acknowledge so myself. But, now, how I wished that I had closed my eyes back then, as I have always done so when I was alive...

_{+} Sors salutis, _  
_{+} Et vertutis, _  
_{+} Mihi nunc contratia; _  
_{+} Est afectus _  
_{+} Et defectus _  
_{+} Semper angaria_

In my current condition, I'm mute, consciously comatose, and incapable of shutting the world out from my sight... Forced to see what the world had become henceforth...

Everything...

I was passed from one household to another... Auction to the most prized highest bidder... Stolen even... Wanted by everyone, but never owned. I saw how they all beamed with proud happiness from obtaining me, and I saw how all of them crumbled and suffered from their unquenchable greed.

None of them lasted for too long, a week, a month to a quarter of a year, perhaps... and all of them died in the end.

Then, I was alone again... Kept well until the cycle begins once more... Helplessly enslaved by my accursed fate...

_{+} Hoc in hora _  
_{+} Sine mora _  
_{+} Cordae pulsum tangite _

Humans are weak and feeble beings, but their tenancy and determination in achieve their goals are unsurpassed and, more frighteningly so, unpredictable.

Saa... When have I started to consider myself not human? The answer, I do not possess. But, upon this realization, my heart seemed more at peace somehow ever since... Even just a little bit...

I'm tired...

I feel nothing else now...

Just tired...

I hear the security tapped open, my case smoothly being released, silken weaves sliding off, voices of dark faceless shadows hovering under a bright light negotiating my possession...

And I was sold once more...

A new owner...

A new house...

Thusly begins another morbid cycle in my endless suffering...

_{+} Quod per sortem _  
_{+} Sternit fortem, _  
_{+} Mecum omnes plangite! _

I was permitted access into a majestically furnished bed chamber, and hanged on the wall the faced a large window... I was thankful for that, as I would have ample things to mused about against my morbid state.

Then, I begin to wonder how long this one is going to last...

The faceless shadow turned out to be but a butler of this prestigious gothically Victorian styled mansion, as the master has yet to come home...

What would he be like? I wondered...

I waited, as I could do nothing else but that, until it darkened into blackness of evening, embracing the full glory of the mystifying moon...

Everything was silent... I didn't even sense a single pin-drop... Not a presence since... and I was utterly bored, add to being tired, and sleepy - if that is even possible for someone in my position.

"I've got you at long last," came a deep hauntingly familiar voice.

Who he is?  
I already know... I could never forget...

Why he is here?  
I don't know...

How he came to find me?  
I don't know...

What does he want with me?  
I don't know...

I couldn't see him, but his ember gold burned brightly amidst the darkness of the room...

I felt very sleepy, like on the verge of dozing off... I don't really understand what was happening...

I felt something - a smothering mixture of warmth and cold - touch my cheeks, and then everything went black...

I don't know what exactly is happened to me... I'm both conscious - as I could still distinctly feel the symphony of of his warm comforting hands supporting my body - and unconscious - as my eyes were clearly shut and all my other senses limped into free-fall...

The next thing I knew, I was lying on a soft bed, clad in silken-cotton robe... My eyes remained closed, inwardly chuckling dryly at the irony of my thoughts... 'Am I finally truly dead?'

"Would you rather be dead?" came the deep haunting voice I thought I only dreamt of hearing, causing my cerulean orbs to open and turn in full revelation of my surprise towards the voice's owner...

The daemon...

My poison...

My dream...

My cure...

My one true love appeared before my eyes, as regal as he had always been in my memories... silken golden bronze tousled locks, that flowed gracefully over his visage... smooth porcelain skin, that glitters with the soft breaths of sunlight... well-defined brows, that arched sliding downward his ideally aquiline nose... supple pink expressionless lips, that holds the mysterious eloquence of his deep resounding voice... and those piercingly honest ember golds sharpened by his rimless glasses, that could read me as clear as the unriddled crystal spring... He remained as handsome as he had always been to me, if not, more than before. With that thought, I allowed as small smile to grace my light-headedness.

"Would you rather be dead, Fuji Syuusuke?" he asked again, seriousness unwavering, effectively waking me up from my daydreaming.

Fuji... Syuusuke...?

Was that another of my epithets, or my real name? I have a feeling it's the latter... How sweet of him to actually remember such scarred name I, myself, had long forgotten...

I closed my eyes once more, pulled on my smiling mask, and wearily averted my face towards the curtain drapes... "I'm as hideous and filthy as my sins had distorted my body rotten... What courage does one like me possess to live on?" I questioned a response, though I find my voice strangely leveled and youthful in sound.

"You are beautiful," stated the daemon in a all confidence and truth, as if those three words just revealed the most prized possession.

I dare not look at myself, not that I've seen myself since my awakening... I've seen myself on my death, and my countenance scaldingly burned in my memories... I feared to see the monster I've become, and meekly shook my head. "... You lie..."

"You know I don't lie, Syuusuke," he persevered through his words, as he gently reached for my hand... The motion made me look back up to his brilliant embers, but I remained silent whilst my azures asked for an explanation. "When your body died, your sins had passed away with it."

"So, I'm really dead, ne?" I found myself gladden somehow into asking, wondering exactly how I am still able to converse with this beloved entity even after death came for me.

It was his turn to brood, silently contemplating what to say, though his gaze continued to hold mine. "Ah. A physical death," he answered me, "and now you are reborn neither of the living nor of the dead, but as a daemon - sacredly pure and ethereally beautiful."

Then, one of his hands let go of my hand, and beckoned mystically for a mirror to near our location. He offered me the mirror, as his eyes softened, alluring me to reach for it...

Although afraid, those eyes told me to trust him... My hand slowly let go of the warmth of his other hand, and began reaching for the mirror, when my vision intersected with my hand...

Whose hands are these?

Soft, smooth, supple...

Blood and vein, still pulsing of life...

Skin as porcelain white as snow, glittering mildly against the whisper of sunlight...

Youthful and vibrant, as I've seen in younger years...

'Are these my hands?' my thoughts asked, as my widened azures lapped with ember golds, earning a curt nod from him. Then, without further hesitation, I forced my weak form to sit upright and take the offered mirror.

My breathing was undeniably deep and in legato... I am very nervous, though the smile I kept up was skillfully mastered to conceal such negativities... I closed my eyes, and slowly navigated the mirror before my face.

One...

Two...

Three...

I slowly opened my eyes... confusion to amazement was swirled evidently in my blue orbs, as I took-in the vision reflected within the mirror...

My reflection centuries hence...

... was of the same elegance and grace that threatened vanity and hedonistic pleasures in my days of yore...

Silky honey-brown chin-length locks... smooth rozen sampaguita white pallor... nymphus brows gliding perfectly down my aquiline nose... moist pink lips... and cosmic sapphires sparkling brighter than stars...

This was the beauty that made my innocence struck a contract with this daemon beside me.

"Why..." I began, not really knowing what to say or do, as I held my slightly trembling body steady, "why did you do all of this? Why give me another chance to live?"

"Because it was a celestial error that you were born as a mortal. But be that as it may, I cannot intervene with the universe's decree, and I could only help you earn your rightful eminence within due process," he answered monotonously, as if it answered all my queries. It annoyed me a bit that he could read through me very well, but I'm simply too shaken to think of a retort. That was how I felt, until he added an explanation I didn't quite expect. "But more so for the reason that I fell in-love you, Syuusuke."

I blinked... Did I really hear what I thought I just heard? If it was or wasn't, either way my heart responded racing before my logic could process his very straightforward confession. "Wh-what are you saying? You- we can't-", I stuttered in response.

Without even the slightest change in his stoic expression, a mirth of determination lit ablaze in his ember orbs. "Not when you were still human," he pointed rationality. "But now, as both daemons, we can finally consummate our love, and no one can oppose our inevitable union."

I wonder if all this is coming too fast... too confusing for my still weak and bedazzled state of consciousness... By this, I meant my logic had somehow meld harmoniously with my emotion, and there was no stopping it's overflow...

"But why only now? Why did you come for me just now? Why did you have to leave me on my own for all those years?" I poured my suppressed loneliness, though forcing my voice remain calm. My hands are now loosely resting over my lower half-blanketed body, head held low - using my fringes to cover my face. I refuse to show him my weakness and welling tears, though I knew he clearly sensed it. "It's been centuries... Do you even know how much I've suffered? How much I've searched? How much I've waited for your return?" Each question I asked with more fervor... but to my ears they sounded more like whimpers and whispers.

"Ah." His answer was an automatic assent, yet I could discern a mix of regretful and comforting note interlaced within his deep voice. "I admit, it was excruciating to suppress my yearning for you when all I could do is watch over you from afar. But I had to control myself and hold back, for you must go through those hardships on your own, that you may grow and build a better character for your self."

"Why?" I insisted as quietly as my heart clenched with yearning. I wanted - needed - to know, and he's got all the trump card dangling before me. "I never asked for any of this, so why?"

I heard him sigh... I guess I'm not as polished in hiding my emotions now as I prided myself of before, or maybe he simply knew because he is who he is. "For the transformation to be complete, you need to understand how it is to be human, both good and bad," he indulged my query, "their strength and weaknesses, their way of thinking, their heart, their potentials, capabilities and desperation, everything human. You needed to see, understand and experience all scope of humanity's expanses and limitations to be able to grasp what it really meant to be a daemon."

"So, it seemed I have," I let out a dry laugh, not meaning to be sarcastic or anything, but the hidden cynic in me had been shoved for too long. "But why can't you be there with me..." asked as I slightly turned towards him, though I still evaded his golden gaze, "...as a mentor, perhaps?"

"You don't need a mentor, you are a genius after-all," his deep voice resounded with, as what I wanted to believe, pride. His encouraging tone finally gave me the courage to gaze back into his ember orbs, and felt his hand rubbing circles of comfort on my back. "Besides, you need to realize and experience all these on your own, so that you will not abuse your power and authority over the humans. It must be done so you will comprehend that our duty is not control the humans, but serve and aid them in achieving their heart's desire," he related in all seriousness, before a barely visible smile tugged at the corners of his lips, "as I did you, Syuusuke, and now we're together as should be."

Slowly, I held my gaze to level with his brilliant golds, and saw all his mixed emotions betrayed by his expressionless visage...

Hesitance...

Longing...

Delight...

Caution...

Hope...

Desire...

Those mesmerizing eyes made me realize that I wasn't the only one suffering from the distance between us, that he was hurting as much as I was. He really is the only one who could make me feel this special, secure, and loved... That I can drop all the pretentious facias, and just be my real self... And for the first time in the long passage of time, I felt a genuine smile sweep through my lips, thinking that I'm falling for him all over again...

"Saa..." I played on a teasing tone, as my smile verged on playful mischief, "you do realize that you've turned a sadist into a daemon, ne?"

Instead of the predictable frown or glare I was sort of expecting, he bewildered me with yet another smile - one that, if I should indulge myself, I would say bordered to a smirk. "Hn. I am well aware of that," he answered, as his russet orbs shimmered with films of rich gold. "But I have always watched over you, Syuusuke, and I have complete trust in you. Because despite your childish tendencies, I believe your heart carries only the best intention."

"Mou~" I allowed an evident pout to grace my feature, though not really affected by how he just described me as childish... Well, I do act so at times, else where's the fun and thrill of existence, right? "Aren't you becoming mind-reading stalker now~?"

He let out a make-shift cough, averting his gaze from my azures I'm sure were depicting my inner amusement. A soft blush of carnation tinted his porcelain regality, as he offered me his most logical reason. "I'm simply assisting you in your transition."

I suppose he doesn't realize how his subtle reaction to my words relieve me... It was conquering and suffocating, but at the same time calming and delightful.

I know I'm no longer human...

Neither of the living nor of the dead...

An entity often mistaken as a demon...

But I trust him enough to believe I'm not evil.

I'm the same as him, as I am now and forever shall be a daemon. And I felt an overwhelming happiness - one that I've never felt as when I was mortal - bloom with me, knowing that I will never be alone again... Because as we are - together - is where I should be.

The cursed cycle is finally broken...

And I've found the one place I truly belong...

With him.

"Then, I suppose I should give you my gratitude, ne?" I asked, but not really intending to be answered. Then I reached for his handsomeness to face mine once more, slowly leaning, eliminating whatever remaining distance there was between us, and tasted that sweetness that was mine and mine alone... It was a soft, chaste kiss, but I made sure he understood my feelings towards him - yearning, happiness, and love.

The warm touches of our lips lasted only for seconds, but the enchanting sensation lingered for a promising future yet undecided... Our eyes remained locked with each other - glowing russets with shimmering sapphires - thoroughly ravishing all our senses into confession.

"Would you be mine forever, Syuusuke?" he asked, wanting nothing but the truth from my glistening supple lips.

"I will, my love~" I replied, tightening my slender arms around his neck affectionately, and my body pressed onto his broad chest.

"Then, call my name..." he asked of me, his forehead touched against mine, as his firm arms found their way around my waist.

"In mortality and immortality," I pledged with another soft kiss on the corner of his warm tender lips, "I will only love you, Tezuka Kunimitsu."

I felt his lips requited my affection, felt the onset of his rising passion, as he vowed me his unwavering devotion. "As I will love only you, Fuji Syuusuke, for all eternity."

As forever cuffed and imprisoned us to immortality, we smile lovingly at each other... This time, not even time nor space nor any other earthly or celestial factor can separate us ever again...

And so we sealed our hearts as one in a kiss that burned hotter than blue flame...

Bruising passion that melt even the coldest of negative degrees...

And addicting bitter-sweetness of insatiable craving that only each other could satisfy.

When our lips parted - panting, eyes glazed with euphoric sensuality, and bodies laid onto the bed - we reveled at this glorious memory of another first of our ever after.

It was that most wonderful dream and reality's pinnacle of perfection... The feeling was simply undeniably breath-takingly mind-blowing that my newly reborn body slowly succumbed to heavenly haze... I guess I need to work on my stamina on my next wake, but for now... I need my beauty rest...

Unconsciously, my eyes slowly drooped, as I stifled a soft yawn... Heard him stifled a low chuckle... Under normal circumstances, I would've taken the chance to seduce him mine, but for now I'll let it pass, not wanting to char the serenity of this moment.

Then, I felt his body shifting us both into a more comfortable position, side-by-side, as I'm tenderly enclosed in his loving embrace...

His body warmth soothing my senses better than our blanket...

His other hand stoking my hair gently into sleep...

His every breath and heartbeat singing lullabies to my ears...

And for the first time since ages, I fell into the sweetest slumber ever in my entire existence, within the arms of my beloved.

Tadaima, Mitsu~

Okeiri, Syuu~

={+}={+}={+}={+}={+}= ~lex divina~ ={+}={+}={+}={+}={+}=

A/N: For those wondering about the translation of Carl Orft's O Fortuna (lifted from Carmina Burana), I've taken the liberty of posting the english lyrics below.

_I._  
_O Fortune_  
_Just like the moon_  
_Stands constantly changing,_  
_Always increasing_  
_Or decreasing_

_Detestable life_  
_Now difficult_  
_And then easy_

_Deceptive sharp mind,_  
_Poverty, _  
_Power,_  
_It melts them like ice._

_II._  
_Fate - monstrous_  
_And empty, _  
_You whirling wheel,_  
_Stand malevolent,_  
_Well-being is vain_  
_And always fades to nothing_

_Shadowed_  
_And veiled_  
_You plagued me, too_

_Now through the game_  
_My bare back_  
_I bring to your villainy._

_III._  
_In health,_  
_In virtue,_  
_Fate is against me;_  
_Driven on_  
_And weighted down_  
_Always enslaved._

_So in this hour_  
_Without delay_  
_Pluck the vibrating string_

_Since through fate_  
_Strike down the strong_  
_Everyone weeps with me!_

Reviews, comments and constructive criticisms are greatly appreciated~ ^^=


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